Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Dear Depression






Dear Depression


I hate you! You've taken away my husband. Gone is the man who would laugh, crack jokes and love spending time with his family. Depression you have taken over his life made him struggle to get out of bed each morning, to enjoy life, to be happy.

Depression you've been an unwanted visitor in my mind many times over the years too. You loved me the most in 2009 didn't you? That year was pretty horrific my dad passing away, loosing our home after Stuart was made redundant and much more. You loved me that year you loved trying to break me, yet I'm still here, I'm still standing.  

 Depression you also like to make the occasional visit to me like today.
This morning I awoke trying to hold the tears I wanted to fall from my eyes. Trying to work out the reason I felt like this and coming up with complete blank. All I can think of is that you realised you hadn't visited for awhile and wanted me to remember that you will always be there somewhere hiding.

Yes I have felt stressed recently and overwhelmed by my ever growing to do list. Depression you have decided to pass me onto your lovely friend anxiety since having Blake haven't you, I bet you love that. Anxiety likes to wake me in the night in a panic for no reason, to make me worry about the future and panic about little things. But like today you loved for me to have to deal with the both of you.

After a tearful start to the day I pushed through you, showered, did the preschool run and met up with a friend. I managed to hide you well haven't I? No one would know apart from me that you were both there.

You both were there as I walked to do the preschool run an unwanted black cloud over my head with anxiety squeezing my heart making me feel jittery inside for no reason. You were there whilst I ate my lunch hiding you from my friend. I sat there feeling physically sick while I ate my lunch pretending nothing was wrong. I sat wishing I was back home in my warm bed where I could wallow in you. Instead I carried on and decided to write you this letter.

Depression you've taught me a lot over the years. That I can and I am more stronger than you, that its not so easy for someone to just snap out of you. You've taught me that you can be so overwhelming especially when you are in the deep throws of someone. You have taught me that you shouldn't be a stigma and that everyone should be made aware of you. That you've taken many lives but you won't be taking mine. Your a part of who I am but i won't let you and anxiety take over my life. 




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12 comments

  1. Beautifully written! I have people in my close, people who are very close to me, who have been deeply affected by depression... I’m so sorry to hear about how it’s affected your life and the people around you 😔 but stay strong! Don’t let it take control over your life!

    Oliver x

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  2. So sorry you've had a hard time - hope you manage to get the help and support you need xxx

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  3. Such a heartfelt post, it made me feel how fortunate I am that I don’t have to go through this. I admire your will power to fight and not let depression and anxiety get to you.

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  4. such a powerful post, I think your last paragraph sums it up perfectly - not letting it takeover is so strong :) *hugs*

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  5. Oh it's horrible isn't it? I've had bad anxiety the last few weeks, no idea why but I know I need to give myself a bit more rest and try to be kinder to myself. I hope you manage to get on top of it too x

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  6. I found that once I embraced the fact that I struggle with depression and anxiety and that it is a part of who I am and that so far I was winning the battle, It has made me overcome it quicker each time it comes back around. It is something we are likely to always have. Writing about it is a huge help and not hiding it from others is another. I hope you and your husband feel better soon. You can fight it one step at a time x

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  7. I have family members that have had depression, it's an awful illness, I hope you husband can come through it with support

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  8. Very nicely written, depressions is an awful thing and can be hard to get over sometimes

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  9. So sorry for what happened to your husband. I couldn't agree more about this. Many people suffered from depression and couldn't fight it. I am glad you were. Keep up the positive thoughts and I hope everything will be alright.

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  10. I am so sorry you are all having such a tough time right now. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings it was beautifully written. xx

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  11. Im so sorry you are going through this, its so difficult. I can totally empathise x

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  12. I have suffered depdepress and anxiety for 15 years, but since having my 3rd daughter 11 months ago I've been alot better, I still have bad days but like you I know it will ease after a few days, I try to be strong, I fact I have to be strong I have three children aan a fiance who need me to be xXx

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